DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
“Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally, you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.“
Don Miguel Ruiz.
Have you ever had someone say something nasty about you, and your feelings get hurt? They may say something behind your back to another person, criticize you or make fun of you. How often do we allow the opinions of others to affect our happiness? Why?
I have certainly had that experience. Almost all of us have. So today, we will examine the 2nd of Don Miguel Ruiz’s four agreements, “don’t take anything personally.” We will discuss what happens to us, what we do when taking things too personally, what is going on when things are said about us that bother us, and give tangible tools to help overcome this problem.
Ruiz suggests four agreements as tools for living:
The Four Agreements
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.
One of the most important is the second, which we examine today.
What problems do we encounter when we take things too personally?
One of the biggest problems is that we relinquish control of our happiness and dreams to another person. More often than not, that person has issues. Their statements are a reflection of who they are and what their problems are, not necessarily of us. Their opinions should not control us. But, when we take their comments too personally, we submit to their power.
As Ruiz says, “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
Our journey is ours entirely. Our dreams belong to us. What others think of us honestly does not matter. We have a choice today to live life happily and freely. But, if we turn control of our thoughts and feelings over to someone else, we are no longer free. We then let someone who has their own problems define us and limit our happiness.
When we worry so much about what others think of us and take their comments personally, we question ourselves. What did I do wrong? Are they angry at me? Am I good enough? Why haven’t they answered me?
Questions like that do not serve us in any way. See, what others think about us reflects on them and their experience rather than on us and our value. To be truly free, we need to stop taking what others say about us so personally. Their statements do not control who we are or define our values. We should ‘not give them that power.
We have more peace and freedom when we are not so affected by the statements of others.
Why do we take things so personally?
It has so much to do with our ego. We personalize what others say about us. We start thinking everything is about us, and it is not. What others say about us is much more a reflection of them and their failing than it is about us. We call someone. He does not call us back. We immediately think it is about us: “What did I do wrong?” But it may not be. Perhaps he forgot or is busy.
Our partner comes home, is in a bad mood, and is short with us. How often do we think about what we did do wrong to get that reaction; when the truth is she had a challenging day and is feeling great stress about it?
When we take things personally, we assume everything is about us. When we have plans to meet someone, and they change the plans, we conclude that it is about us- they found something better, are angry at us, or some other similar nonsense. We make their reality our false reality. Our ego tells us it is about us when it is all their decision, their choice, their life, all about them, not us.
I firmly believe in the statement, “Live and Let Live.” We each have our journeys, our own life to live. I do not control you and I should not allow you to control me. When I take something too personally, I let you control my peace of mind.
How do we stop letting what other people say about us bother us?
This is not easy, but it is critical to building a life of freedom. It takes daily focused work, but we can do it. Here is how:
Remember, what people say is not about you but a reflection of their journey, their troubles, and their issues. It is their projection of what is going on in their life. They may take something they do not like about themselves and attribute it to you. Often the unkind comment is their effort to feel better about where they are.
Always know that we cannot control what other people do, say, or think, but we have complete control over our responses and actions.
Be aware of what we are feeling. What is the emotion we are experiencing? How does it make us feel?
Step back. Reflect on why we feel that way. What do we want to do about it? How do we respond? Use the space to choose how you want to answer.
Choose how you want to respond, what you want to let in, and what you want to do next. You are empowered to choose your path in your life.
Decide not to take it personally. It is not easy but break that habit.
Understand what you have to accept (the actions and opinions of others) and what you control (your thoughts, feelings, and actions).
Practice self-acceptance. Often we let the opinions of others bother us because we judge ourselves too harshly. When you understand and accept yourself and hold yourself in high regard, you are not as affected by the actions and thoughts of others.
Which of these resonates with you the most?