Avoiding the Blame Game

Mistakes happen, right? Deadlines get missed, papers get filed wrong, an important call is not returned. Those can of course be problems, but the bigger problem is how we respond to it. Do we play the blame game? Or do we take productive steps to understand what happened and to correct it?

In this edition of The Free Lawyer newsletter, I will explain what the blame game is; why no one wins; why we play the blame game, and give tangible steps to avoiding blame and handling the situation responsibly.

WHAT IS THE BLAME GAME?

When unfortunate events happen in your office, how do you respond? Do you find someone to blame? Or do you take responsibility for what is under your control?

When we live in blame, when a mistake happens, our immediate focus shifts to "who did it?" We want to determine who is at fault and who must take responsibility. Who should pay for this mistake? 

A culture of blame occurs when we pass responsibility to others for mistakes and we lack accountability. In a blame culture, managers blame lower level employees rather than taking responsibility themselves. Taking ownership of our position requires responsibility and accountability. It’s easy to get into a habit of blaming others for mistakes and creating excuses to avoid being accountable.

Blaming others for mistakes is easy, but is very damaging.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE BLAME?

Blame is characteristic of toxic workplaces. It harms both the work environment, and the individual involved. It is very damaging to our team. No one wins. We begin to focus on who other than ourselves can we blame. It stigmatizes the "culprit" and demeans them. It avoids taking responsibility for the situation at hand. 

It damages us us as leaders and significantly harms the person who is blamed. It creates a negative work culture, one where folks live in fear and anxiety about the next mistake. We as leaders lose, and are not perceived as effective, responsible managers. No one learned from what happens, and a toxic culture develops. Fear of making the next mistake, and the pattern of blaming others for what happens, becomes contagious throughout our team. The mistake is likely to repeat itself.

The blame game stigmatizes the other person. That’s why people overreact when things go wrong. It’s better to be the blamer, than to be blamed. Whoever gets the blame is less than he was before. Blame is one-sided. It’s not about understanding what happened, but about making someone else responsible. When we blame, we do not deal with the problem, and we avoid looking at ourselves to see what role or part we might have played in it.

A blame culture within our firm hurts productivity and quality of work. It pits employees against each other and removes trust. Rather than encouraging collaboration, creativity, and support, blaming and excusing leads employees to feel both vulnerable and disconnected. We cannot effectively ask our staff to take accountability and responsibility if we do not do so ourself.

In short, when we allow blame to be the message when there is a mistake, no one wins, particularly us. The more we play the blame game, the more we lose.

SO, WHY DO WE PLAY THE BLAME GAME?

Blaming is easy. We avoid looking at ourselves. It’s easier to think that some other person is wrong, than to look inside ourselves. Rather than sharing responsibility, we blame one person. When we do that, we avoid all accountability on our end.

We have a hard time accepting the problem. We are frustrated. We cannot take that things went so wrong. Rather than accepting that something bad happened to us, we choose to blame someone else. Instead of us accepting some responsibility, we force others to take the blame.

We want to feel safe, protected. It is much easier to place all responsibility on someone else than to see our part in it. Imposing guilt on someone else makes us feel protected. Particularly when we feel that we are threatened, blaming others is the perfect defense. If we want to feel innocent, we blame someone to defend ourselves. If we might be "guilty," we divert attention by blaming. We protect ourselves by pointing the finger at someone else.

It is so much easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility. We love the easy way out. It takes less energy to blame others than to improve our own behaviors.

HOW DO WE AVOID THE BLAME GAME?

Well, we certainly do not want to play the blame game! If a culture of blame is so toxic and damaging to our office, what can we do to avoid it? What steps can we take? Here are 7 tangible tips: 

  1. Be aware of when you are blaming. Focus on what is going on. Are you starting to cast blame? Are you thinking about finding someone at fault? If so, step back, start over, make an amend if necessary. Change your focus. 

  2. Take ownership where appropriate. Did you contribute at all to what happened? Did you play any part in causing or not preventing the mistake? Nothing sets a better tone than when we start with acknowledging our piece in what happened. It is a sign of humility. It encourages others to be open and honest. It reassures the team that we are not out to find scapegoats. 

  3. Set healthy ground rules. Make sure everyone knows that this is not about finding someone to blame. Encourage everyone to speak openly about the problem. Focus on the problem and the solution as a team. Make it clear no one is to call out any particular person or engage in derogatory or demeaning comments.

  4. Be empathetic, not judgmental. If someone openly shares something that they did wrong or failed to do correctly, be understanding. When they apologize, be empathetic. Don't judge them ("how could you have done that?"). If someone is willing to be open and honest, support their sharing in an understanding way.

  5. Focus on the cause, not the person. The purpose of working together as a team after the mistakes happen is to find out what went wrong. It's not about finding who to blame. Try to figure out what caused the particular problem. Why did it happen? What in our process allowed this to occur?

  6. Consider what you can learn from what happened. Once you figure out the cause of what happened, what can we learn from it? Why did this mistake happen? As a team, review exactly what happened, and determine the cause of it.

  7. Determine how to avoid it reoccurring. Once you know what happened and why, then as a team set up a process with a fail safe system so that it will not repeat itself. What can you change to make sure this mistake does not happen again?

This process really works. When we avoid blaming others and accept responsibility, our team is more comfortable in sharing in a safe and open fashion. Setting healthy ground rules helps set the tone for a productive team conversation. Then we can focus on what happened (not who is to blame); why it happened; what we can learn from it; and how to prevent such a problem in the future. 

Which of these tips are helpful to you?

I am working with attorneys and other professionals to help them be as successful and fulfilled in their profession as they want. I would love to learn more about you, your challenges and your goals. If you would like to chat, please set up a complementary discovery call with me here: https://calendly.com/garymiles-successcoach/one-one-discovery-call

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