The Mentorship Advantage: Why Every Lawyer Needs a Guide
"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself and helps bring it out of you." — Bob Proctor
Have you ever felt confused or lost? Or trying to figure out how to get there? Have you felt frustrated and wondered why? Have you felt stressed? Would it be good to ask for support, but you need to figure out who or how to ask? Do you ever wish you had someone to chat with? To answer your questions? To listen to you empathetically?
What if you were no longer overwhelmed by stress? What if you had the clarity to know where you wanted to go and exactly how to get there? What if you could be successful, fulfilled, and delighted? What if you had someone at your beck and call who was always there to listen to you confidentially and support and encourage you?
Feeling lost, trapped, confused, and alone is not unusual. Most of us have felt that way at times. We know we need help and guidance but are afraid to ask for it. The journey from a law school graduate to a seasoned legal professional can be challenging and daunting. However, there's a beacon of guidance that can illuminate this path and make the voyage far less treacherous: mentorship. Whether you're a fresh-faced law school graduate just embarking on your legal career or a seasoned attorney looking to refine your skills and chart a course to leadership, the benefits of lawyers seeking support from a mentor are immeasurable.
In this week’s newsletter, I will share my varied experiences with mentorship, explain why it is difficult to ask for support and discuss the gifts of obtaining the guidance we deserve. We'll explore the profound advantages of mentorship to legal professionals, offering invaluable insights into how this dynamic relationship can shape your career, foster personal growth, and ultimately lead to legal excellence. Join us on this journey of discovery as we unveil the transformative power of mentorship in the legal world.
My Experience with Mentorship
I have learned the benefits of receiving the right coaching from the right person at the right time. My dad had always been my mentor. He was constantly supportive, providing loving guidance, and always there for me. There was an absolute emptiness when he passed because he was one person I always turned to for support.
I have been an avid golfer my whole life. I played for my high school team and my college team. By now, I have played for over 55 years. I should understand the sport perfectly well by now. But beginning when I was 13, I have always had a golf pro who coached me in the game. I have had a golf coach every year since, including now. While I understand the game, I seldom perceive what I need to do better or where I am off track. That coaching helps me know how to improve, play better, and have more confidence and fun.
My brother, Gene, who became an attorney eight years before me, guided me throughout my legal career. He advised me about my career, networking, handling cases, knowledge of local judges and lawyers, and much more. He was one of the most highly respected attorneys in our area.
I began my journey in sobriety over 30 years ago. Not only did I struggle with addiction to alcohol, but my thinking was way out of balance. I was full of self-centeredness, shame, and guilt. I have always had a sponsor who has helped me to understand how to live life sober and to change my ways of acting and living. Now, I see reality as it is, and I respond appropriately. My sponsor helps me to live life on life's terms. It has indeed been invaluable.
More recently, I entered a new field in my practice of law. I had always been a very successful personal injury trial attorney, primarily on the defense side. However, 15 years ago, I embarked on a new career as a family law attorney. I wanted to be of more direct and personal help to my clients. I was insecure and uncomfortable, knowing very little about that area of law. A fellow attorney whom I had known for some years became my mentor. He provided me with forms, told me about the critical cases in the most important areas, and answered numerous questions about handling my client's unique situation. When I was stuck, he helped me. I am very grateful to him for the service he has provided to me. He has helped me become an independent, confident, highly regarded family law attorney.
These experiences have taught me the excellent benefits of having a coach who supports us on our journey. Yet, it is often hard to ask for the help we need.
The Difficulty in Asking for Support
Why is it so hard to ask for help? Primarily fear. We often know we could benefit from guidance from an independent third party, but we are afraid to. In my field of law, we learn to be confident, independent, competent, and in charge. The thought that we need someone to help us conflicts with our identity as attorneys. We worry that others will see us as weak or incompetent. Our culture honors self-help and independence. We fear seeking help will undermine our confidence, make us question our abilities, or create anxiety. Sometimes, we need to be self-aware enough to know that some coaching would be helpful to us. But, more importantly, even when we do, we are afraid of how we might look if we ask someone for help.
Of course, those feelings, while natural and understandable, are not accurate. No one thinks less of us when we ask for help. We should never let that unwarranted fear stop us from obtaining the support we need.
Here are some of the significant roadblocks to lawyers seeking support from a mentor:
Perceived Self-Sufficiency: Lawyers must be self-reliant and independent problem solvers. We should have all the answers and can handle challenges independently, making it difficult to ask for assistance. So, how could we need help?
Fear of Vulnerability: Lawyers project confidence and expertise, and there may be a fear of appearing vulnerable or inexperienced when seeking guidance from a mentor.
Ego and Pride: Some lawyers have solid egos and take pride in their abilities. Asking for help can be seen as admitting weakness or inadequacy, which can be challenging to overcome.
Time Constraints: Lawyers often have demanding work schedules and may worry that mentorship will be time-consuming for them and their mentors. This concern about time constraints can discourage them from seeking support.
Lack of Awareness: Some lawyers may need to fully understand the benefits of mentorship or recognize their need for guidance. This lack of awareness can be a significant roadblock.
Overestimation of Knowledge: Lawyers may overestimate their knowledge and skills, believing they already know everything they need to succeed. This overconfidence can prevent them from recognizing the value of mentorship.
Financial concerns: Lawyers may need to learn the costs involved or see the return on investment a mentor can provide.
Lawyers should recognize that seeking mentorship is a sign of strength and a commitment to professional growth. We do not have all the answers. Lack of time and money are stories we tell ourselves to justify not getting the support we need. We should not let fear or ego get in our way. It's important to remember that even the most accomplished lawyers have sought guidance and support at various points in their careers.
How can a mentor benefit a lawyer?
Do you know how we often feel we have no want to talk to? Knowing to is for advice? Or the support and accountability we need? These are some of the ways a mentor can benefit us:
A confidential listening ear. We feel so alone sometimes, don’t we? We may be afraid to talk to our partner, coworkers, law school classmates, or even our spouse or family. We do not want to appear weak or be judged for our feelings or struggles. Mentors can be very effective, confidential, and supportive listeners. Your mentor will always be there to hear you and to understand - how important is that?
Guidance. Often, we need to figure out what to do next. We are still determining where to turn or how to get there. Our mentor has many years of experience and can give us helpful suggestions about our goals.
Vision creation. Sometimes, our mentor sees our abilities and futures that we do not see in ourselves. I know I’ve experienced that with my clients. I have a vision of how incredible their future can be, but they have not yet seen it. Your mentor can help you create a vision for your future that may be more powerful than you know for yourself.
Clarity. Sometimes, we feel like we are in a fog, confused. Your mentor can clarify where you are, where you want to get to, and how to get there.
Confidence. Your mentor is always on your side, lifting, encouraging, and supporting. He affirms your talents and your positive traits. An ongoing mentorship process helps you develop self-confidence and resilience to overcome your challenges.
Accountability. Sometimes, the same mistakes keep happening; we back away from the same hurdles or are afraid to take the next steps. Your mentor can hold you accountable. Together, you can set targets for your next task, and your mentor will encourage you to meet those goals and deadlines you set for yourself.
These are just a few ways a mentor can support you.
What are the most essential criteria in selecting a mentor?
When selecting a mentor, you should use great care in selecting just the right mentor. These are some of the factors you may consider:
Experience. How much experience does the mentor have as an attorney and a coach? Has he experienced many of the same things that you have? It’s essential to find a mentor who has the background and experience so that they truly can understand and advise you.
Good listener. Engaging in a relationship with the mentor can create a sense of vulnerability. It’s an open and honest relationship. The client shares personal information with the mentor. For that reason, the mentor must be a good listener and empathetic.
Compatibility. The most critical factor in selecting a mentor is compatibility. You should “click” with your mentor. The mentor listens to and speaks with you in ways that make you feel comfortable and encouraged. Personal compatibility is crucial. Seek a mentor with whom you have a good rapport and shared values. A positive and respectful relationship will foster effective mentorship.
What are some of the gifts of getting the support we need?
The benefits can be incredible when we become aware that we need some coaching and have decided to ask for and accept it. The goals we have set for ourselves are now more easily achievable, and our path to accomplishing our vision is more apparent. These are some of the tangible gifts of accepting coaching:
1. Long-Term Relationships: Mentorship often leads to lasting professional relationships. Over time, mentees may become mentors, passing on knowledge and experiences to the next generation of lawyers. Sharing ourselves transparently, seeking their assistance, listening to their guidance, and growing professionally create a more profound and exceptional relationship. We have become more open, and the mentor appreciates that. Others perceive us as being trusting and honest. Our coach appreciates both our openness and the opportunity to be of support. It creates a common bond that is unique and special.
2. Motivation and Inspiration: A mentor can inspire and motivate lawyers to reach their full potential. Their success stories and encouragement can fuel determination and perseverance.
3. Greater Resilience: Without support, we are fragile and uncertain. We do not have a sense of direction or how to overcome our obstacles. With proper coaching, we facilitate our personal growth and development. As a result, we will become more resilient, know how to overcome our setbacks and obtain guidance from others to continue growing.
4. Growth mindset: We break out of the pattern of thinking, "I am not good at that," or "This is a task that is beyond me." Our performance improves. We grow and expand. We can achieve things that previously seemed impossible to us. We know we can improve and learn what we need to accomplish our goals.
5. Emotional stability: We are no longer fragile. We connect with a coach who helps us understand what is happening and how to handle it. As a result, our confidence and self-awareness grow. We are no longer isolated and filled with worry and doubt. We have the support we need and know who to turn to when we need guidance.
6. Reducing Isolation: The legal profession can sometimes be isolating, with lawyers working on complex cases independently. We are each in our own silo. A mentor provides a support system and a sounding board, reducing feelings of professional isolation. We no longer feel so alone.
7. Personal Growth: Mentorship extends beyond professional development. Mentors often share life lessons, imparting wisdom that helps lawyers grow as individuals and make well-rounded life choices. Our mentor shares knowledge and experience that allows us to understand our circumstances better.
8. Constructive Feedback: Mentors offer constructive criticism and feedback. They help mentees identify strengths and weaknesses, encouraging continuous improvement and growth.
9. Confidence Boost: Having a mentor who believes in your abilities can boost your self-confidence. This emotional support is precious during challenging times or when tackling new and unfamiliar legal challenges.
10. Greater success: We achieve clarity about our work. We are more confident and resilient. A new vision of our future fuels us. We know how to accomplish our goals. We have answers to the questions that confused us. With more wisdom, understanding, and confidence, we achieve tremendous success and freedom.
You deserve these gifts!
Conclusion
The journey to success is not a solitary endeavor. It's a dynamic path that requires continuous growth, adaptability, and the pursuit of excellence. This is precisely why a lawyer should embrace the transformative power of coaching. A coach is your dedicated partner in your professional development, helping you harness your full potential, refine your skills, and achieve your loftiest goals. With a coach by your side, you'll overcome obstacles and chart a course to greatness with unwavering determination. We should never let our fear or ego stop us from seeking the support we need. Instead, let a coach propel you toward a future of unparalleled success and fulfillment. The choice is clear: your journey will be smoother and more successful with a coach as your trusted guide and ally.