HOW TO OVERCOME IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Have you ever felt that you were not as good as other people think you are? Have you ever doubted your ability to achieve what you already have? Do you see yourself as unworthy or not good at what you do, even though others think you are? Have you ever felt you didn't belong? Or even, "what am I doing here?" I know I have struggled with some of those thoughts. This is often labeled as "imposter syndrome." But trust me, if you have ever felt that way, you are not alone.
In this edition of The Free Lawyer newsletter, I will discuss the reality of imposter syndrome, what it is, its causes, how it affects us, and tangible tools to overcome it.
Does Imposter Syndrome Exist?
Sadly, many high-performing successful attorneys have struggled with imposter syndrome. Unfortunately, it afflicts some of the best and brightest. It seems irrational from the outside, but it is real.
I was striving to be as good as I could at a very early age. I did exceptionally well in school. I was top of my high school, college, and law school classes. I clerked in federal court for one of the best judges on the bench. I learned to try cases at a boutique litigation firm. I was regarded as a very successful trial attorney. I did well in court. I managed my law firm. Yet, somehow, it seemed like a mirage, not real. I had thoughts that I was not capable and that I was not good at what I did. Others perceived me as top-notch, yet I questioned my validity as a trial attorney and a manager. How could that be?
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome involves feelings of self-doubt that exist despite significant experience and accomplishments. It is much more common than anyone thinks. Those imposter feelings are the conflict between how you see yourself and how others perceive you. When other people praise you, you still do not see yourself as successful, but perhaps just lucky or the benefit of good timing. The imposter feelings reflect the doubt about your talents and abilities that do not align with how others see you. You respond to those feelings by working ever harder, trying to prove yourself, to make yourself feel worthy. The cycle continues. You accept successes as given but beat yourself up about any mistakes or failures. Not handled, this cycle can lead to guilt and even depression.
Why do we experience imposter syndrome?
So, where does this imposter syndrome come from? Why do we suffer from it? It’s not clear why some of us are afflicted with it; it may be from a sense of perfectionism or experiences from childhood. High achievers are susceptible to this phenomenon.
How does imposter syndrome affect us?
It creates uncertainty and doubt. It affects our happiness, our confidence, and our success. It can create stress and anxiety. We are afraid to take action. We constantly doubt ourselves. We are filled with worry and fear. We are unhappy and unfulfilled.
How do we overcome imposter syndrome?
The good news: it is very manageable. We can eliminate its power over us. Here is how:
Share your feelings with others you trust on a confidential basis. You will find other people have the same experiences. Giving voice to your feelings reduces their power over you. Being open about your feelings helps them to feel less overwhelmed and may encourage someone else to do the same, realizing that you are not alone. Others can also give you a reality check and help you see your talent.
Focus on facts, not feelings. What is your track record? What have you accomplished? When you analyze your history, you will see that the facts do not support your imposter feelings. Instead, could you look for the evidence that counters those feelings?
Strive for excellence, not perfection. We will never be perfect, but we can succeed at being excellent. When striving for perfection, we fail, which only supports our feelings of being an imposter. Could you make that your goal?
Stop comparing yourself. Whenever we compare, we always come up short. We are all different. We all have other talents and skills. Instead, could you focus on your successes and achievements?
Accept our mistakes. We all make them. Learn from them. In each failure, there is a lesson that helps us grow and become better. But just because we made a mistake does not make us a loser. That setback is an opportunity for growth, not a definition of who we are.
Change your script. Accept yourself as you are. Believe in the gifts that you have. Affirm what you have accomplished and what you are capable of. Create a vision of success. Discard the feelings of doubt and self-criticism. Be kind to yourself. We can change the story we tell ourselves and truly change our life.
Conclusion
For a long time, I struggled with imposter syndrome. I now know what I am good at, how I can serve others, and how to succeed. I also know the areas where I can grow, change and improve. I know I am not perfect. But I also understand my gifts and how I can be helpful to others. You, too, can overcome any imposter feelings.
If this is something you struggle with or ever have, I can help. I have been there. I would love to chat with you. I support other attorneys and professionals with circumstances that hold them back from being all they want. Please feel free to reach out to me. Do you know of anyone who has ever struggled with imposter syndrome?