Free Yourself From the Prison of Fear

Do you ever feel fearful? Worry that something will not work out right? Concerned about what might happen in the future? Fear can be overwhelming, controlling and powerful. It can hold us back from accomplishing our dreams. Many of us suffer from it, some more frequently and more powerfully than others. But there are solutions. In this edition of my newsletter, I will explain some of the most common fears, what effect fear has on us both physically and emotionally, and give you concrete tools for freeing yourself from the prison of fear.

What is most helpful to you?

THE CAUSES OF OUR FEAR

O course, there are many different things that we might be afraid of, whether it is a fear of heights, public speaking, or many others. But in my view, fears fall into three primary categories:

1. Fear of not getting something we want. We may want a promotion, a successful result at our next trial, a raise, or something else we strive for with all of our heart and our energy. Perhaps we want something as simple as approval and compliments from others. But often, we are afraid that we will not get it. Our planned for outcome will not be realized. We will not make partner, not get that raise, lose the trial, or other people might think less of us. Those fears can be powerful and limit our ability to achieve our goals.

2. Fear of losing something we have. This is a fear that so many of us feel. We live in fear that we might lose the job that we have, which we depend on for our financial security. We may lose our good health. We worry that our relationship with some other person might be jeopardized. We are concerned that the economic events over which we have no control may cause us financial instability. So many of us worry about losing something we already have that we feel we own. We worry so much about losing something that we actually jeopardize our ability to keep it. Living in fear of the loss of a relationship just creates additional tension. Worrying about perhaps losing our job affects our ability to perform.

3. Fear of being found out. So many of us often feel that we are not as good as people think, that there is some secret or some story about us that if revealed would cause us to lose the recognition that we have. While very successful professionally, sometimes we feel that we are not really that good, and once others discover us, our future will be forever changed. 

Obviously, there are many specific fears of people have, but most frequently they can fall into one of those three buckets. What effects do those fears have on us?

EFFECTS OF FEAR AND ANXIETY

Our fears dramatically affect us physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Some of the effects are:

1. Physical effects. When we are consumed by fear, we often suffer from headaches, chronic pain, and digestive issues. We may have trouble sleeping. We feel a tightness in our body. Chronic fear can weaken our immune system and may cause cardiovascular damage.

2. Substance misuse or other addictive behaviors. Sometimes when people feel fear, they resort to some outside measure to relieve the pain and the worry. That may be alcohol, shopping excessively, or some other escape.

3. Problems functioning at work. When we are sitting at your desk, stressed and anxious, we do not perform well. We are distracted, worried. We are not able to focus as we want to. Our performance declines.

4. Effect on our memory. Fear can affect our brain function and limit our ability to form and maintain memories. We also can develop a warped sense of reality, making those things we fear more overwhelming and powerful than they really are.

5. Brain processing. Fear can help us to not interpret circumstances around us properly. We may not read nonverbal cues correctly. We may hastily react before processing what is happening around us. Our decision-making can be limited, and we may engage in more impulsive reactions. The combination of those may cause us to act inappropriately.

6. Mental Health. Long-term fear can hamper our mental health. It may cause depression, sadness, mental fatigue, and anxiety.

7. Effect on our relationships. Being consumed by fear in our life can dramatically affect our relationships. We may want to isolate ourselves due to our worry and anxiety. Because we are not feeling happy and free, others may not enjoy being around us.

TOOLS FOR OVERCOMING OUR FEARS

Given how significantly our fears affect us, how can we free ourselves from the prison of our fears? Here are some helpful tools:

1. Identify the fear. So often, even when we are consumed by fear, we act as if it is not there. Instead, acknowledge it. Identify it for what it is. "I am afraid of making this presentation and what others might think of me." When you are specific in naming your fear, you will understand exactly what the source of your fear is and what you are dealing with. It will no longer be as dominating over your serenity. 

2. Understand the possibilities. Identify exactly what the worst-case scenario is. Imagine the worst So, what would it look like if you did not make partner? What would you do? How would you respond? What would your options be? How would you feel if that happened? Once you have identified worst-case scenario and come up with a plan for how to respond, it no longer has the same power over you.

3. Believe in the better result. Once you have understood what the worst-case scenario is and how to respond to it, visualize the best result. "I will make partner. I am good, dedicated, talented and hard-working. I deserve this, and the firm wants me to be part of their team." Visualize what your life will be like if circumstances turn out exactly as you wish.

4. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Throw out those negative thoughts. Discard the belief that you will lose the case, that you will not make partner, that your presentation will be a bomb and no one will like it. Instead, think positive thoughts, that you will win the case, make partner, that you presentation will be exceptional. No one knows what the future will be. However, by creating optimistic thoughts and believing in the positive outcome, you will be better served. Your performance will be better. You will be freer, more confident and more successful. The best antidote to fear is a positive attitude.

5. Get into action. I love being a trial attorney. I am very, very good at it. Too often in my early career I would be fixated on whether I would win or lose, mostly fearing that I would lose. I found that by enjoying the process of being an attorney, preparing my case, asking the questions, savoring the thrill of being in court and doing what I excel at, both my performance and my results were so much better. Instead of fixating on the future and what might or might not have been, get into action, do what you are so good at. Enjoy the process of being the professional that you are.

6. Live in gratitude. Most of our fears are in fact very selfish. We worry about not getting something we want or losing something we have. Make a daily gratitude list of three different things each day you are grateful for. You will come to realize how blessed you are. You will realize that despite all the many things you have worried about in the past, you are actually in a very good place. If you practice being grateful every day, and actively search for things to be grateful for, fear will lose its power over you. You will see that fundamentally everything will work out just as it should.

7. Practice acceptance. We will all have setbacks and failures. Accept that. Anticipate them. They are not the end, but the beginning. We will not always achieve what we wanted to. We will lose a job, not win a case, or have difficulties in our relationship. But, if we accept the people in our lives and the circumstances as being exactly as they are supposed to be at that moment, we will learn how to weather any of those circumstances. Instead of regretting the challenges in our life, we can accept them as being lessons that we can learn and areas in which we can grow stronger and better.

CONCLUSION

Our fears can be overwhelming. They not only limit our performance, but they can cause us to be unfulfilled and unhappy. We have power over our fears. We can identify them, plan for them, and create a positive mindset. We can get into action. We can be grateful for our blessings, and accept the circumstances in our life as challenges that we can overcome.

Fears no longer has to control us. I am now providing a service to attorneys, entrepreneurs and professionals to help them live a successful and fulfilling life.

I would love to connect with you!

If you would like to have a courtesy call, please contact me.

You can schedule it here: https://calendly.com/garymiles-successcoach/one-one-discovery-call