Escaping The Perfectionism Trap: A Guide For Lawyers To Find Balance and Success
Do you ever find that you fret over your past mistakes? Or are you very worried about making new mistakes? Are you ever extremely concerned about your family or colleagues' high expectations? If so, you may be struggling with perfectionism. Perfectionism can create problems, from procrastination to severe anxiety and stress.
As lawyers, pursuing excellence and attention to detail is a fundamental part of our profession. However, when these tendencies become excessive and unrealistic, they can lead to perfectionism, which often harms our well-being and success. Perfectionistic lawyers may feel constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, leading to high stress levels, anxiety, and burnout. They may struggle to delegate tasks, spend too much time on minor details, and fear failure.
In this newsletter, I discuss what perfectionism is, how it has affected me, and the signs and causes of perfectionism. I will describe the consequences of perfectionism for lawyers and provide practical tools for overcoming it, promoting a healthier work-life balance and overall well-being.
What is perfectionism?
A perfectionist strives for flawlessness. He can get fixated on perfection and try to control situations around him. They can be motivated by fear and paralyzed by the idea of failure.
Perfectionists pressure themselves to meet unattainable standards. They are highly critical of themselves and beat themselves up about anything that doesn't meet their high standards. They fear being low achievers if they don't achieve perfection. Sometimes, their fear of failure is so paralyzing that they procrastinate. Perfection holds us back.
This, of course, is very different from being a high achiever. It is wonderful to always strive for excellence, to have high standards, to be persistent in the face of adversity, and to strive to do our best.
What about for we lawyers? Perfectionism is when we set extremely high standards for ourselves and are overly critical of our work and the work of others. We feel constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, leading to high stress levels, anxiety, and burnout. We may struggle with delegating tasks because we are the only ones who can do the work just how we want it. Have you ever experienced that?
My story
In high school, I was quite heavy, even fat. I was extremely bright and the best of my class. I wore nerdy glasses. Combining all those made me the butt of many jokes, even bullied. At home, I often felt like no matter what I did, it was not good enough. I was filled with a powerful desire to please everyone, my parents and classmates, to win approval.
As a result, I did exceptionally well in college and law school (top of my class). Nevertheless, I always felt that nothing was ever good enough. When I entered law practice in my early years, everything had to be perfect, leading to my procrastinating and feeling additional stress.
I have learned the importance of overcoming perfectionism and how to do it.
What are telltale signs of perfectionism?
These are some of the most prominent traits of perfectionism. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
Black and white thinking. Perfectionists are unsatisfied with doing a great job; they accept nothing less than perfection. An excellent job can be seen as a failure if it is imperfect.
Highly critical. Perfectionists are hypercritical of themselves and others. They focus on imperfections and are judgmental and hard on them. Perfectionistic lawyers focus on minor mistakes rather than the overall outcome.
Controlled by fear of failure. Perfectionists are motivated by fear of not achieving their goals and of doing anything to avoid being seen as a failure. As a result, they set an unrealistic goal of achieving perfection. Because they focus so much on the outcome, failure becomes a very scary prospect.
Unrealistic standards. Perfectionists set goals that are often unattainable. This is hardly surprising, as perfection is not achievable.
Focus only on the outcome. Instead of focusing on the process of achieving their goals, perfectionists obsess about the results and strive to avoid the failure that they dread.
Fear of failure. When perfectionists do not achieve their goals, they can get stuck in their negative feelings and beat themselves up too much, seeing themselves as a failure.. As a result, they have an intense fear of failure and may avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities that could potentially fail.
Unrealistic expectations. Perfectionistic lawyers may set high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve, leading to a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and failure.
Difficulty delegating tasks: Perfectionists often feel that they are the only ones who can do the job properly and have difficulty delegating tasks to others.
Spending too much time on tasks: Perfectionistic lawyers may spend excessive time on tasks, even when unnecessary, because they want everything to be perfect.
Struggle with work-life balance: Perfectionists prioritize work over personal life and find it difficult to relax, enjoy family or take breaks.
Have you ever experienced any of those?
What are the causes of perfectionism?
What are some of the causes of such an unhealthy perfectionist attitude? Why do we lawyers struggle so with perfectionism?
These are some of the causes:
Personality traits: Some of us have personality traits that make us susceptible to perfectionism, such as a strong need for control, a fear of failure, or a tendency towards obsessiveness.
Professional expectations: Our profession highly emphasizes precision and attention to detail, which can contribute to developing perfectionistic tendencies.
Fear of consequences: Our clients depend on us for excellent work, and the potential effects to clients are substantial. We know how our clients rely on us for a successful result. That increases the pressure to strive for perfection.
High workload and pressure: We have so much work to do and work under extraordinary pressure. The time deadlines are demanding. This creates a sense of urgency to work quickly and perfectly.
Early life experiences: Childhood experiences, such as parental pressure to achieve, can contribute to the development of perfectionism in lawyers. From childhood, I developed an obsession with perfectionism to curry the favor of those around me.
Low self-esteem. Despite our accomplishments and talents, we are often burdened by self-doubt. We feel that our accomplishments determine our self-worth. That compels us to seek perfection as a way to prove ourselves.
We must understand the causes of perfectionism to develop strategies to overcome it and achieve a healthy work-life balance.
What are the consequences of perfectionism?
So how does our effort to be perfect affect us? Perfectionism has some serious consequences for us, including:
Procrastination. Our desire to be perfect and organize everything just the way we want leads to decreased productivity. We spend our time and energy on minor details rather than the big picture. Procrastination creates more stress and anxiety for us. We delay doing projects timely because we worry about making them just right.
Stress and anxiety. We put so much pressure on ourselves as perfectionists. As a result, we make ourselves more vulnerable to other problems, including anxiety, depression, and frustration. To compound the problem, as perfectionists, we always want to appear “in control,” so we try to hide the stress and anxiety we feel, which only makes it worse.
Health problems. Perfectionists can sometimes develop health issues, including stress-related health conditions and mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or insomnia.
Impaired relationships. Our perfectionism can cause strained relationships with our family, friends, and coworkers. Our high standards put stress and pressure on those around us. Being overly critical of ourselves and others creates strains in our relationships. It is hard to turn our controlling perfectionist attitude off with others. When we bring that into those relationships, they can also be damaged.
Not present in the moment. Perfectionists worry so much about controlling the outcome and making things perfect that they can get stuck in their heads. As a result, we often are not focused on the present and are not mindful. That accentuates the feeling of procrastination and disappointment.
Reduced job satisfaction: Our perfectionism can lead to constant feelings of dissatisfaction and failure, as we can never be perfect. As a result, we become frustrated and overwhelmed at work.
Burnout. We may feel constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. That often leads to intense stress and, ultimately, burnout.
In short, perfectionism never helps us. On the contrary, it affects our productivity, relationships, and mental health.
How do we overcome perfectionism?
Are you tired of being your own worst enemy?
Here are twelve strategies to help:
Self-awareness. It’s essential to become aware of your perfectionist thoughts and tendencies. Be mindful of your thoughts. Perhaps even write them down to understand them better. Once we realize how perfectionism works in us, we are more able to change our self-talk around our need to be perfect.
Practice self-compassion. Challenge your inner critic and discard your negative thoughts. We can be so self-critical, can’t we? We allow negative thoughts to enter our heads (“I am not good enough”). Don’t let your desire to be excellent cause our struggles. Negative self-talk hurts both our emotional well-being and our productivity. Be kind to yourself.
Accept your mistakes. We all make mistakes! It’s okay. It is not the end of the world. Failing does not make us failures. On the contrary, our mistakes allow us to learn, grow and improve. Every mistake teaches us important lessons that we don’t learn from an unqualified success.
Be positive! We sometimes struggle with focusing on the negative aspects of our work performance and of ourselves. Instead, make a conscious effort to recognize what we do well. Even write down a list of things we do that are positive and helpful.
Set realistic goals. Perfectionists tend to set unattainable goals. Our standards are too high or impossible. We will feel less stressed and more confident when our goals are reasonable.
Accept criticism. Perfectionists struggle with receiving helpful comments from others. Sometimes perfectionists take criticism personally. But constructive criticism can help us to improve. Try to accept that healthy criticism can be essential for our growth. Mistakes happen and are normal.
Don’t pressure yourself. The worst pressure we feel is what we put on ourselves. Lower the unattainable standards you may have set for yourself. Instead, be proud of your performance.
Don’t procrastinate. Perfectionists frequently procrastinate. We give ourselves all sorts of excuses to delay completing our project. Our desire to be perfect stops us from achieving our goals. It not only hurts our productivity but creates stress. So calendar our projects, focus on them, and finish them on time.
Strive for excellence. Let go of seeking perfection. Instead, try to be excellent in your field. That allows mistakes and failures but encourages you to strive to achieve your goals.
Do not expect others to be perfect. One of the worst things about perfectionism is we may impose that attitude on those around us. We expect them to execute at a level of perfection as well. That impairs our relationships and the performance of others. Not only should we adjust our expectations of ourselves, but we also should not hold others to that standard of perfection.
Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself physically and mentally can help to reduce stress and promote overall well-being.
Seek support: Seeking support from colleagues, friends, or mental health professionals can provide a helpful perspective and additional tools for managing perfectionism. In addition, a mentor can help you to reframe your thoughts and develop a more positive outlook.
Conclusion
Perfectionism is real, particularly for high-achieving lawyers and other professionals. In our desire to excel, we go overboard and create standards for ourselves that are impossible to achieve. That creates stress and leads to procrastination. However, we can control our perfectionist tendencies by setting reasonable standards, accepting our failures, and striving for excellence.
I am working with attorneys to help them manage their perfectionism. I would love to learn more about you, your challenges, and your goals. If you would like to chat, please set up a complimentary discovery call with me here: https://calendly.com/garymiles-successcoach/one-one-discovery-call