“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

-Don Miguel Ruiz

Have you ever had the misfortune of saying completely the wrong thing at the wrong time and regretting that you did? I know I have. Or, sharing something important and personal, and the other person responds with some dismissive comment?

We of course all know that we should be impeccable with our words and most of us feel we do a great job at that. But do we really? It is not as easy as it sounds. In this newsletter, I will explore exactly what it means to be impeccable with our words, the challenges in doing so, the benefits of using our words carefully, and 10 tools for improving in this arena.

What does it mean to be impeccable with our words?

From its Latin roots, the word impeccable means without sin  Ruiz explains:

“A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.”

So what does it really mean to be impeccable with our word? It means saying exactly what we mean; speaking our truth; Giving voice to what we need and want; meaning what we say; speaking with integrity, honesty and truthfulness; using our words in a positive direction of truth and love; not speaking negatively about ourselves or about others. In short, being impeccable with our words means to not go against the values we hold to be true.

Are we truly impeccable with our words?

We would like to say we are. We would like to think that we are always careful In what we say, and speak appropriately and with respect.

But, we often are not, without realizing it. How often do we not say what we really want and what we really mean? How often do we perhaps voice some negative thought against someone else who is not present when we do so? How often do we speak negatively about ourselves, in our subconscious, because of something we have done or failed to do?  Do we ever blame others? Do you ever speak angry words at someone else, or speak or think angrily about ourselves? Do we ever spread negative thoughts about others, which may or may not be true?

Our words have power. They can hurt, or they can heal, we can build someone up, or tear them down. We often forget how much impact what we say can have on another person, both for good and for bad. So often we are thoughtless, and don’t reflect on our thoughts before they come blurting out of our mouths. How frequently do we barely listen before our response comes spilling out? Do we ever use our words to judge ourselves or to speak negatively about others? Do we ever think negative thoughts of ourselves or put ourselves down? 

These are some examples of what many of us frequently say:

“I am not sure I’m good enough to build my practice the way I want to.”

“I will never figure out how to make this work.”

“He is so arrogant and thoughtless.”

“She is simply not very good.”

Haven’t we all said things like that at times? I know that I certainly have.

What are the gifts of being impeccable with our words?

The gifts to us are simply amazing:

Peace. When we live here, we are at peace with ourselves and with others. We do not feel  shame, guilt or remorse. We are happy with who we are and how we are living.

Fulfillment. We feel completely fulfilled. We help and support others. We encourage them. We are easy on ourselves. We acknowledge our gifts and our successes, and do not beat ourselves up for our mistakes.

Freedom. We are no longer controlled and dominated by our own negative thoughts, or by the opinions of others. Because we have always been true to ourselves, we are free from worry about the judgments of others and of any self-criticism.

No fear. Because we are living our truth, and acting towards others in a supportive way, we live life free of the fear that used to control us.

Successful. We create a successful life for ourselves when we use your thoughts and words only in the direction of truth and love.. We believe in ourselves. We will be happy and enjoy an amazingly beautiful life.We will build our integrity and ourreputation. More clients will want to do business with us because they know, like and trust us.

Better decisions. When we are impeccable with our word, we are thoughtful, positive, resilient and hopeful. We will consider our options carefully, maintain emotional balance, and make better decisions.

Happier. When we are kind with our thoughts and our words, when we lift and support others, we feel more joy.

Better relationships. We have healthy relationships when we speak only kind words to those we care about. When we are open, and share what we want and need, our partner and friends respond more positively. When we speak our truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, our relationships are stronger.

Who does not want all this?

How can we be more impeccable with our words?

These steps will help

1. Listen carefully. Take your time. Be attentive. Understand exactly what the other person is saying. Don’t rush to respond until we understand what is being communicated, including the feelings underneath them.

2. Pause before responding. Take time to think about what has been said and consider carefully how we want to respond, what is the right and true thing to say.

3. Use your favorite phrases. For me, I often say “that’s awesome.” Pick some positive and supportive phrases you can use regularly. “I am so sorry!” “I am so happy for you!” “That's such a challenge!”

4. Be mindful of your thoughts. Our thoughts become words. Are we focusing on negative thoughts about ourselves or others? If we are aware of what we are thinking, we will be more conscious of how we communicate.

5. Be aware of statements we frequently make that may not be true. Many people say “I do not have time to do that” when the real answer is that that is not something they want to do. Ask yourself, honestly, is this thought really true?

6. Choose positive statements. Instead of focusing on the problem, think about the solution. Instead of thinking about what you don’t have, think about how much you appreciate what you do have. Always reframe your negative thoughts into positive ones. Instead of complaining about how busy we are, think how grateful we are to have such a full and successful life. Instead of complaining about how tired we are, focus on how happy we are to lay down and have a good night's sleep. These more positive thoughts will give you a more encouraging framework.

7. Be self-aware. Ask yourself, how am I feeling right now? When you're feeling good, you’re probably thinking and acting consistent with your values. Do you have some stinky thinking going on? Figure out why that is and change it. Choose thoughts that make you feel good and optimistic, instead of those that bring you down.

8. Be bound by your words. Look at them as a contract. If you say “I’ll be there,” look at that as a commitment to do so. If you are not sure, change what you say-”I will do my best” or “I will try.” If we view our words as a commitment, we will speak what we mean and do what we say more frequently.

9. Choose your words carefully. Be thoughtful and deliberate. Make sure you are saying exactly what you mean and meaning what you are saying. Truly pause and consider carefully so that you choose the words you actually want to say.

10.  Express what you want and need, even when it is difficult.Being impeccable with our words include speaking our truth and saying what we feel a need to say.

Which of these tips is most helpful to you? Which do you need to do more often?